And so I jump back in…

 

Once again, it’s been awhile since I blogged. I do this a lot-fade out and come back around. I put this pressure on myself to blog regularly, but then real life steps in and takes over, and I find myself without time to do it. How do others do it almost every day, and add pictures and buttons and all the fancy stuff, and still have time to have their lives? I read so many other lovely, pretty and interesting blogs, it makes me feel like what I do is nothing compared to others. Yeah, I need to get over it, and I’m working on it. I want my blog to be memorable and fun, but I really just don’t know how to do it. Tutorials are hard for me to follow-I need to be shown. It’s having the time to ask someone to help me….what I want is to use my blog in a few different ways. First, to just talk about random pretty stuff and people, and also to promote the fact that I sell vintage (and hopefully to start making vintage-style clothing). Also just to have fun with it.

I feel like I am on the verge of Something….for the last year I have been in therapy and am just about to end it. I turned 40 last year and am just about ready to turn 41, and I am actually quite pleased with how far I have come. I have figured out so many things about myself and the world, both good and disappointing. Now I feel like I have to take some kind of next step, and it has to do with my work that I have chosen. I have been talking about sewing (and selling) vintage style things for years, and I have to say, this is the closest I have come to actually doing it. I have been sewing for over 20 years, off and on, but I find my skill level is not where I think it should be in order to sew for others. I’ve done a few random things here and there for others and also a ton for myself, and I obviously understand vintage style pretty well. I’m pretty confident about that part! I have so many wonderful ideas that pop into my head; I can look at a piece of vintage fabric and instantly see what it could be. I’ve been collecting (some say hoarding, haha!) vintage sewing notions and materials for years. I’ve got a ton of patterns and know how to put stuff together. I have the resources.

So what’s stopping me?

Fear. Fear that people will laugh at me, fear that I am so insignificant that nobody will care, fear that it will be a resounding success and I will get overwhelmed! I am doing what I hope will be a large rockabilly show here in Phoenix the end of October and I want to make a few pieces, put them out for sale along with the vintage stuff and see what happens. My market is not the local rockabilly crowd, I already know this, with a very few exceptions. I’m honestly not sure who my market is! People like me and a few of my close friends who love true vintage style are fewer and far between anymore. Most people seem to want the cheap re-pops nowadays, which is fine, but the quality is just not there. If I had money to really spend and I didn’t sew, I would spring for better quality. I love handmade stuff, made well and built to last. So many people don’t care about that anymore.

I have a month and a half or so, and I want to make about four pieces, I think-two dresses at least, and a couple boleros. I have this darling vintage darkish pink cotton velvet that I would line with pink satin and put old pearl beads on the edge; I can see it in my mind’s eye and it won’t go away! It’s like these things are asking to be made manifest and won’t go away until I make them happen. I have been reading so many books on finding your true purpose and being authentic-the sewing/pretty dresses/vintage fashion thing has been cropping up in my life ever since I was a little girl. (I used to draw constantly as a child, page after page of ladies in fancy dresses and hats.) I like to make women feel pretty; when I worked at the vintage shop one of my favorite things was helping people find things that would work for them. I miss that aspect of that job so much.

I find myself wanting to sew for me and my friends all the time! As a single parent, though, I have to spend most of my time making money to take care of things, so my sewing time is very small. I envy people who have time to not only host online sew-alongs, linky parties and other things, but to actually DO the sewing!! But oh…if I could just have a week to do nothing but sew…..how amazing that would be!!

I know what I WANT to do, I want to deal with the fear and just jump in and DO it. It just takes time away from what NEEDS to happen-making money so we can live decently. eBay supplies a lot of that, as do my other two jobs: working for an estate sale company part time and cleaning 3 houses a week. Add having ADD into that and things just can be so interesting…I have to be so scheduled with my time, but I am getting so much better at it; I am proud of myself for all the work I have done so far. I am actually excited to see what I can do. Sometimes I forget that I have more choices. It’s just that damned FEAR…..

So, if you like, come along with me while I work this out. I think I need to be accountable somewhere, so my goal is to blog once a week, and sit down at the sewing machine once a week, to begin with.

Thanks for listening!

Jenny